Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Just for me

I have a little over two weeks before our baby girl arrives, so I wanted to get a quick post up before that day comes.
Over the past few weeks, we've had a couple of little accidents that I just wanted to write down and record for my memory. I am always thankful for the precious little life of my son but these moments give me a huge punch in the soul to help me realize how blessed I am. I don't ever want to take the fact that he is in my life for granted. I strive to be present or "in the moment" in his life by doing things that he enjoys everyday. I have always had a guilt of not being able to have a sibling for him as a playmate so he is used to me and JC (when he is home) being his buddy. I'm not going to lie though- he gets to have friends over to the house a lot more than most kids and I'm ok with that:-) Tucker hates doing anything by himself, he just loves being around people. We have a huge playroom upstairs for him that I thought he would love playing in, and he does...when JC or I or other kids are in there with him.
Anyway- a few weeks ago, one of my friends from college came into town and invited me over to her parents house for a play date with our kids along with one of her friends from around here and her kids as well. Tucker can swim fine with his life jacket on, but if he doesn't have that on, he doesn't know how to swim. They had been swimming for a while and eventually they got tired so three of the little ones decided to play in the yard chasing each other and running around. Well, I took his life jacket off so he could run without being so uncomfortable. (I shouldn't have done that.) He and the other two kids just played in the yard for the next hour, so I just thought they weren't going to get back in the pool. Well, I became a little too casual as I was talking to my friends. The next thing I know, my friend hears something, I turn around and Tucker is in the deep end of the pool on the little stair choking up water. I book it over to him and he just had this scared little look on his face that broke my heart into a million pieces. I did everything I could not to cry (and that is next to impossible for me) and held him for the next 15 min letting him know how much I loved him and how dangerous it was to get in the pool without a life jacket. Believe me though, I have given myself many talks about being too casual around a swimming pool. I know everything I should have done and everything I will and won't do around pools from now on. Many moms don't get a second chance so I am just grateful no harm came to my son.
The next accident actually happened when JC and I were on a date. We have the best babysitter in the entire world. She is adorable and amazing and the poor girl experienced something I never want to experience. We came home from our date and she said they "had a little incident." I was thinking he broke something or he wouldn't go to bed or something like that. So I told her to wait and tell me what happened when we got in the car. So we got in the car and she just started crying. I was trying to comfort her and she apologized for crying and told me that Tucker choked on his hotdog. She said she had got up to get him a drink and turned around and saw him choking. She began hitting him on the back and was about to stick her finger down his throat when the hotdog came up. He was pretty scared so she made him feel better and gave him some water. She didn't know if she should tell me or not but I told her how grateful I was that she told me and that I wasn't mad at all. I was just happy she was there for him and didn't leave him alone to eat or anything like that. She did everything right and I let her know that. I just felt bad she had to go through that but also grateful that nothing serious ended up happening.
I remember when I didn't have anyone to worry about but myself- it was so easy. Now I worry 24/7 for 2 other people in my life and soon to be 3. I would always worry about my husband when he was in the Marine Corps and thought it would get better with his new job but I never stop worrying about people I love. I especially worry for my little 3 year old who is so independent. I want to make every move for him but I can't. These experiences in his life are not only learning experiences for him but me as well. I also worry about my unborn daughter- am I squishing her, is Tucker crushing her, is she getting the right nutrition? When she is born, the worries will quadruple. These are just part of the joys of being a mom. Thinking of others and not always myself. Even though life was easier when I only had myself to worry about, it wasn't better. My life is full and amazing and so fulfilling. I feel so loved and blessed- unlike any feeling I ever felt when I was only taking care of myself.
I can't describe what it feels like when your son tells you he loves you "infinity and beyond." It's better than any "A" I got on any paper, any good reviews as a teacher, better than anything I've ever won or accomplished in my life. I'm just blessed beyond my belief and will always be so thankful for my family.

1 comment:

noelle said...

ahhhh, my sweet beth. you write the best posts. truly, truly. every single one is so heartfelt. i love how your inner goodness shines through your writing. love you so much. soooo glad tucker is okay. soooo grateful for this baby girl coming your way. soooo grateful i can call you my friend. xoxo.